Fifty shades of poop.

Bosom friends,

indulge me in this consideration if you will.

Fifty shades of grey, fifty shades darker and finally fifty shades freed.
Everybody is talking about sadomasochistic sex.
Have you ever had sadomasochistic sex?
I venture that most of you have only managed to fall off the bed while attempting to take off your underwear in the heat of the moment. MAX.
If you are holding a whip is only because you are making some home made mayonnaise and the only thing you have ever tied with a rope is a pork roast (myself included).

This is the story:
Grey, a super cool and super rich dude falls in love with Steele, a super nerdy and super poor gal.
At that point he proceed to make her see the boudoir in Technicolor.
He whips her, he spanks her, he hangs her like you would hang a salami for curing, he turns her inside out the same way you'd do to clean the vacuum bag, he dices her, chops her, julienne her. Basically he acts like a Kitchen Aid food processor.
Despite all of the above she enjoys herself like a pig in mud.
Women all around the world LOVED this filthy fairy tale. It seams that most of the plain Jane's of the globe dream that their husbands would turn them up-side-down like a two-season mattress.
Instead they are married to a stock-fish who makes love only when a new Pope is elected.
Their husbands probably think that clitoris is the mane of a Greek philosopher. These goody two-shoes gals are probably sharing their lives with a lizard who falls asleep at 8 PM on the couch until he has to be dragged to bed by his toes.
Those are the men that when you tell that you need a "meat injection" they book a table at a steakhouse.
Most of the time if your boy slaps your ass is because he was trying to kill a mosquito he saw on it.

Of course reading about a kinky rich guy who enjoys painful sex but at the end of the day gifts you diamonds makes you consider the idea of S&M copulation.
You glance at your other half snoring on the couch but still grabbing the remote as if it was his hand prosthesis and you think:

Oh well, I could do with somebody who enjoys pulling my hair while he "gets down to business".

Too bad that Mr Grey is closer to a psychopath than he is to a Latin lover Antonio Banderas style.

Never mind all of the above.
Grey and Steele eventually get married, have two children and still keep jumping on the mattress with ropes and whatnot like they have done from page and day one.
VERY believable.
I have seen many couple (almost the totality) going through that:

After two kids and a day filled with PTA meetings, grocery shopping, homework and a boss with perpetual asshole syndrome the only fantasy you have is to move to a remote island of the Galapagos, ALONE!

Allegedly the genius writer behind this literary phenomenon wants full control of the script for the remaining two sequels. Such great writing has to be preserved. Indeed.

Very much looking forward to the movie version of chapter 2 and 3 of this epic.

Unfortunately after a marriage and two brats there is a good chance that the 50 shades are going to be of poop.

Ciao for now.