Sisters are doin' it for themselves, or not?

Bosom friends!

Today I have no good news for ya'll.

For that reason I've decided to ride this wave of frustration and start a new weekly segment called Bitchy Tuesday.
From today on Tuesdays will be dedicated to let the bitchyness run free.
Like wild horses.
Like a candle in the frigging wind.

The weather is crappy, I have a ton of laundry to get done, Giorgio Armani is now telling us not to dress as homosexuals, the "Kylie Jenner Challenge" for Bigger Lips is infesting social medias and to add insult to injury I was VERY disappointed by the musical Sister Act. 

Perhaps I need to explain what the "Kylie Jenner Challenge" for Bigger Lips entitles.

It's a sad state of affairs.

The youngest of the Kardashian franchise is very committed to prove she never went under the knives to enhance her appearance.

First of all who the fuck cares.
Who gives a monumental fuck about how shallow a human being can be.

Second, Kylie my pet, you are not fooling anybody. You keep saying you grew up and that is why your looks changed. Fair enough. 
The uncanny thing is that the girl does not even reminisce of a grown up version of herself. She actually looks like her breadwinner big sister Kim minus the "music genius" as a husband.

Before and after "growing up".

Allegedly the plumpness of her lips are due to a home remedy which consist in putting a plastic cylinder on top of your lips and suck to create a vacuum effect that is supposed to make your lips protrude for an aesthetically pleasing configuration of your face (if you know from which movie
aesthetically pleasing configuration is from comment below!).

Basically it is the same process used by penis enlargers. 
Sisters Are Doin' It for Themselves.

I hope the picture above is explanatory enough. Only instead of a penis you shove your lips in a contraption that uses the same principle: suction. Shot glass, Gatorade bottle, whatever takes you further away from sanity will work...

I won't post the result pictures of the morons who tried this challenge. They are a bit graphic and just plain stupid. However you can head to the video clicking on this link : Kylie Jenner challenge.
You can also just type Kylie Jenner challenge on Google search and you'll have plenty of stupid at your disposal.

I wish her challenge could have been reading a book or doing some volunteering. Even the tidy-up-your-own-damn-room challenge would have been more constructive.

We are in bad shape people. Bad, bad, really really bad.

But let's keep digging in in my bag of dissatisfaction.

Giorgio Armani (80) is now letting know his male consumers that they must not dress as gay men but only as men. Enough with outfits that reflects our preferences and express our personality.
Give this statement the weigh you will.
Giorgio is the king of fashion. Let him talk and design and enjoy his very lucrative empire.
Giorgio is not anti-gay, he is just anti-bad taste.
Keep putting on your back whatever the hell you want.
We will all be judged one way or another regardless the good or bad taste of our get ups.

Finally I will bitch about the musical Sister Act that was here in Miami at the Arsht Center last week.
I was VERY excited to go and sing along with a bunch of nuns at the abbey.

I won't get into too many details but here is what really bugged me:

1- Music by Alan Menken. He is the Deus ex Machina behind hist such as The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, Pocahontas, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Hercules, Enchanted and many more. I was not taken away by any of this musical original compositions.
The songs used in the movie were far cleverer and more compelling.
Sister Act the musical was a bland blend of Motown, 70's disco and the usual Broadway inspiring power ballads that didn't really go in any direction. The main song kept saying "take me to heaven" but I felt like I was taken to Limbo.

2- Casting. Dolores Van Cartier is supposed to be a busted out wanna be singer with not much of a voice but with great show business know-how. Also she is not supposed to be spring chicken either. What I saw on stage was a lovely young performer with a hell of a voice who looked more like she was at an American Idols audition more than anything. Also the directorial decision to make her act every single line she uttered as a sassy-finger snapping- head waving-hoochie mama kind of gal was fun for the first 5 minutes. Then it got only annoying. We got it: she is supposed to be a proud African American guuurl. Two hours of not so good lines all delivered with the same cadence was frankly an hour and 55 minutes to much.
Sister Mary Robert, the quiet and shy one was also played by a little girl with a great vocal range. However for some reasons she ended up sounding and looking like one of those choir boys with very high voices who hasn't hormonally developed yet. Too bad.
The rest of the cast sort of all blended together in the sense that they were good but the material they were given to play with was not sparkly at all.

3- Production. They had a limited budget and you could definitely tell. The school-production like sets were just not aesthetically pleasing (again). The final scene starring a huge disco ball Virgin Mary statue merely looked like the final desperate attempt to make up for the rest of the measly scenography.

4- The script. So the abbey was in trouble because a couple of "bachelors" with interior decorating skills wanted to buy it. Why not perpetrate gay stereotypes? Dolores Van Cartier only talked in ghetto lingo. Again why not perpetrate that kind of black girl stereotype? Most of the funny lines were not fresh and you could see from a mile where the joke was gonna head to.
Nothing un-funnier than wanting to be funny at any cost.

5- Choreography. How many pinwheels can a group of nuns perform??? Apparently an endless array.

It was impossible for me not to miss the 1992 smash hit with Whoopie Goldberg.
Everything about that movie worked.
Everything about the musical didn't really.

And that's all folks for this week Bitchy Tuesday, 

Ciao for now!