Friday, February 27, 2015

I see your true colors...or do I?

Bosom friends!

Today I will ease us all into the weekend by talking about nonsense. It seems social medias really dig the lite version of everything and anything so lets' roll with some shallowness for today...

I woke up this morning to find out in astonishment that people were passionately debating over the color of a dress. The topic is still trending...#TheDress
Is it black and blue or white and gold? I am surprised the Dali Lama hasn't wrote some wise words regarding the matter.
All I can really see is that the dress in question is quite ugly, so regardless of its color I wouldn't be caught dead in it.

The infamous picture.
The actual dress.

Seriously though...Maybe we should ask Cyndi Lauper, you know she was the first one to sing "I see your true colors". Perhaps she was referring to a dispute over the nuance of one her 80's get-ups.
A dress hasn't been so talked about since the infamous blue number wore by Monica Lewinsky while "servicing" former president Bill Clinton. Not even the stolen dress wore by Lupita Nyong'o at the Oscars got as much attention. Literally. The $150,000 with 6,000 hand sewed pearls Calvin Klein masterpiece was stolen from her hotel room in West Hollywood. That craftsmanship is worthy of some relevance, not that unidentified color cheap ass dress.

Some even wrote an article titled:
The Science of Why No One Agrees on the Color of This Dress.
A whole dissertation about the way light enters the eye through the lens—different wavelengths corresponding to different colors blah, blah,blah...

I will tell you what is is:
photo apps filters.

A filter can make anything and anybody look brighter, younger, more interesting, more muscular, slimmer, and all together just altered.
We all do it but when do you think it becomes just too much?

As SKYY vodka once advertised :

I feel all this filtering has taken the sanity out of social media users (not that we ever had much of it to begin with...).

We do like our social media pictures to be as our favorite vodka:


Ciao for now.

Thursday, February 26, 2015

The mighty has fallen.

Bosom friends!

I did not manage to watch the Brit Awards live but the minute somebody took an epic tumble my phone literally had a social media seizure.

The plummet I am referring to is the one that queen Madonna had to endure at the very beginning of her performance of Living for Love as a closing act of the award show.

The setting and overall look of the number were the same as the ones from the Grammy but this time around an infamous cape was added to the mix. A Giorgio Armani cape nonetheless.

Long story short Madge didn't undo the knot that was keeping the long, black (and frankly stunning) cloak properly and when the dancers tried to pull it off from behind they actually jerked the singer down a flight of stairs. Bonk!

As simple as that.
Some say that Madonna should have listened to Edna Modes from the Incredibles:

The fall knocked the wind out of our beloved Material Girl and she missed a couple of lyrics but in true show-biz trooper style she got up and carried on with her performance.
She was living for love damn it! Nothing was gonna stop her. Just as her last anthem says:

Took me to heaven and let me fall down
Now that it's over I'm gonna carry on
Lifted me up, and watched me stumble
After the heartache I'm gonna carry on

Living for love
I'm not giving up

Not gonna stop
Love's gonna lift me up.

That is exactly what she did: she got up and carried on. That is what I call being coherent.
She puts her money where her mouth is.
Wrong and strong.

What is really sad is that the snake like media is connecting her live faux pas with the fact that she is now too old to keep it up.
I am not one of those hard core Madge fans but I feel that this ageism is just bogus. A guy can be a fox no matter the age but a woman has to be put in a home the minute she turns 50??? No sir, no.
We are entitled to our opinion over Madonna's showmanship and artistic choices but I find very unfair to diss her just because "she is to old to be acting like that".
It's her choice to keep bumping and grinding, all we should do is to choose to watch or not.
I prefer to read proper reviews judging her musical choices and whatnot rather than having to stand one more article attacking and making fun of her on the sole base of her birth date.

For instance Monica Bellucci will be the next Bond Girl.
The beautiful Italian actress (known also for her role in the last Matrix) is now 50 years old.
Of course the catchy hook about her presence in the next Bond franchise is that she is the oldest Bond Girl ever to grace the silver screen. Good Morning America even added that she is older than the actual James Bond character and 2 decades older than the average Bond Girl.

You see what I mean?
 The actress reveals she was puzzled when called to discuss a role in the upcoming 007 film, "Spectre." "Why do you call me? I'm 50 years old. What am I going to do in James Bond?" the actress recalled telling director Sam Mendes, in an interview with The Sunday Times.
Bellucci actually thought she was being approached to replace Judi Dench, 80, whose character was killed off in the last Bond film. "I just blurted out: I'm not a girl, I'm a woman, I'm a mature woman," she said.
Bellucci added that she would like to called a Bond Woman or a Bond Lady.
Monica also said that sexy is a state of mind. "What is the problem with a man of 30 being with a woman of 50? It is a matter of energy and soul, not a matter of age of the body. True sexiness is in the mind, the imagination, not in the age of the body."


I believe that youth is not a merit or a quality nevertheless an asset.

Youth is only an enjoyable stage of life.

A short and a quite overrated one.

I would love to hear all of your opinions over the matter and put together a post with a collage of as many point of view as possible. Comment, comment, comment!!!!

Ciao for now.

Took me to heaven and let me fall down
Now that it's over
I'm gonna carry on
Lifted me up, and watched me stumble
After the heartache, I'm gonna carry on
Living for love
Living for love
I'm not giving up
I'm gonna carry on
Living for love
I'm Living for love
Not gonna stop
Love's gonna lift me up


Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Rancid Rancic.

Bosom friends!

Have you all seen what happened to poor Giuliana Rancic?

Rancic apology video.
 The E! Entertainment host made a very unfortunate comment during the episode of Fashion Police just after the Oscars night.

While they were commenting the red carpet outfits Giuliana made a faux pas when she said this about Zendaya Coleman:

"She has just such a tiny frame that this hair, to me, overwhelms her. I feel like she smells like patchouli oil. Or weed! Yeah, maybe weed?" 

Zendaya was sporting long dreadlocks on the red carpet and Rancic comment made lots of people connect her joke to racism and stereotypes.

Mighty Lord have mercy.

Social media know-it-all frantically started typing all their disdain over such horrible comment.

Zendaya herself took it to Instagram and wrote:

“There is a fine line between what is funny and disrespectful, someone said something about my hair at the Oscars that left me in awe. Not because I was relishing in rave outfit reviews, but because I was hit with ignorant slurs and pure disrespect. To say that an 18-year-old young woman with locs must smell of patchouli oil or ‘weed’ is not only a large stereotype but outrageously offensive. I don’t usually feel the need to respond to negative things, but certain remarks cannot go unchecked.” The “K.C. Undercover” star went on to name successful African Americans such as Ava DuVernay and Terry McMillan, “none of which smell of marijuana.” Zendaya concluded her post writing, “I suggest some people should listen to India Arie’s ‘I Am Not My Hair’ and contemplate a little before opening your mouth so quickly to judge.”

In all honesty I don't see where she got such ignorance and racism from the Fashion Police comment over her hair.
Many other comedians tell jokes that are far more NOT politically correct. Actually a very high percentage of comedians jokes are flat out racist.

We must consider the source and the contest.

That comment didn't come out of Hillary Clinton while on a presidential campaign.
It came out of a show-biz gossip network host's mouth during the Fashion frigging Police program.

Indeed racism and stereotypes are wrong and should not be taken lightly but I would expect much more indignation form somebody who actually fought for African American civil rights and not from a starlet who's enjoying a pretty much smooth ride.

Giuliana Rancic posted a video apologizing for whatever pain she inflicted to Zeldana and any other she may have upset with her comment. Seriously?
Co-host Kelly Osbourn even twitted:

A joke, is a joke, is a joke.

As long as we give the right amount of relevance to action and words we should be fine...or fined?!

Ciao for now.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Celebrities recycling bin. Buckle up, it's going to be a twirly ride.

Bosom friends,

this morning together with my coffee I had a side of showbiz environment friendly enlightenment:

the Celebrities Recycling Compost Bin, AKA Dancing With the Stars.

The 10 year anniversary 20th season was being announced live on Good Morning America while I was having breakfast with the hubby.

I am not usually fazed about this kind of shows but seeing all of those once upon a time big deals lined up one next to the other in the hope of a popularity revival got my attention.

Here are the contestants:

Noah Galloway 

Sergent Galloway lost his left arm and leg in 2005 during Operation Iraqi Freedom. Long story short Noah overcame all of the shit he had to go through and became the 2014 Men's Health Ultimate guy.
So Danging with the Stars should be a piece of cake for this American hero and may I just add "yummy".

Robert Herjavec

Robert Herjavec is a Croatian-born Canadian businessman, investor, media personality and Founder & CEO of Herjavec Group, global IT security firm. He is on Shark Tank and he tells business wannabees how silly their entrepreneur ideas are.
Also his skin has a rather uncanny orange tone.
I am not quite certain of why he is doing this. Must be due to a midlife crises and since he for sure already owns a flashy sport car, Dancing With the Stars was the next logical step.

 Patti LaBelle

Patricia Louise Holte-Edwards is just legendary and let's not forget she is the original Lady Marmalade.
The singer has been inducted into as many Hall of Fame as you can think of and has sold over 50 million records world wide.
Patty is no spring chicken anymore (70 years old) so instead of worrying about her being nervous over the dancing competition we should worry about her hip bone being strong enough. Black don't crack but 70 years old bones do.

Nastia Liukin 

Anastasia Valeryevna "Nastia" Liukin is a Russian-American artistic gymnast and the 2008 Olympic individual all-around Champion. At the tender age of 25 she is retired from the gymnastic world.
Natsia's background puts her in a way more advantaged position and her Russian origins will add a certain stoicism to the whole competition.


Riker Lync

Riker Anthony Lynch is an American singer-songwriter, musician, actor, and dancer.
A quadruple threat.
He was previously part of the Glee's cast and his drapes for sure don't match his carpet.
He was born in 1991 so he probably wont' know most of his fellow contestants.

Charlotte McKinney

"Actress" Charlotte Mckinney is your average looking girl next door. NOT. Charlotte is the curvy featured Super Bowl 2015 model and a Guess girl. She is from Florida and was born in 1991. 
She will bring the straight male drool factor to the show and will make all other women feel particularly inadequate. Basically Sofia Vergara next to her looks like a boy. 
Please note that she doesn't even have a Wikipedia page. Her boobs don't need one.


Stefan Kendal Gordy, better known by his stage name Redfoo, is an American singer, dancer, record producer, DJ and rapper best known as part of the musical duo LMFAO. He is sexy and he knows it.
Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle.
He will bring a distinctive and classy je ne sais quoi to the whole shebang. 
Afro hairdo included in the package.

Michael Sam

Michael Alan Sam, Jr. is an American football defensive end. He is as well only 25 and he became the first publicly gay player to be drafted in the NFL.
Let's hope he doesn't run off with one of the pros male dancers before the end of the show. Or let's hope he does run off with one of the other strapping ballroom gods and releases a sex-tape of some sort..."Boinking With the Stars".

Willow Shields

Willow Shields is an American film and television actress. She is best known for her role of Primrose Everdeen in The Hunger Games. She in only 14. Not sure what she is doing there since I thought you first had to have a dead career to be a contestant in Dancing With the Stars.
Her career is still in its infancy, just like Willow herself. Mah...
Suzanne Somers

Suzanne Somers is an American actress, author, singer and businesswoman, known for her television roles as Chrissy Snow on Three's Company and as Carol Lambert on Step by Step.
She even had her own doll in the 70's.
Suzanne is 68 but thanks to her team of experts (with whom she wrote the health book Breakthrough: Eight steps to Wellness) she is ready to put those young bitches to their places.
In Italy we say "Old hens make the best soup".

Rumer Willis

Rumer Glenn Willis is an actress, the oldest daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore.
Not many of you may know that her mother, actress Demi Moore, hired a cameraman to videotape her birth. Lovely.
We should just stick to the fact that she is the daughter of Hollywood royalty. I honestly don't see much else interesting about her. She has been in many projects in her acting career but her name is Rumer Willis and not 'John Doe'. Let's not forget that.

I hope I made you more familiar with this year line up of talents we will love to judge to no end.
Watch the season 20 premiere of "Dancing With the Stars" on Monday, March 16, at 8 p.m. on ABC.

Buckle up America it's going to be a twirly ride.

Ciao for now.

Monday, February 23, 2015

The bold golden man who carries a sword.

Bosom friends,

I would like to thank the director, my family and the academy for this honor...

This was my first live Oscar ceremony in the US of A.

I was pretty excited about the whole extravaganza but I did not make it to the end of the show...actually I did not make it past 10 PM. Bummer. YouTube rules.

I will be very brief (the show was long enough) no one needs additional lingering over the subject.

Neil Patrick Harris was as cute as a button. His opening number was everything that a gay man could dream of. Unfortunately some rather weak writing let him down. Neil's jokes made Oprah uncomfortable and what wasn't completely bad was just passable.
This year host best and worst moment were both wrapped in one: while I was very happy to see him in his tidy whiteys I felt the whole gimmick was just silly. In any case the wink to the Best Movie winner Bird Man was delightfully sexy.  Love and hate? Yen and yang? All I know is that Neil looked just fine.

Red carpet.
I don't know about you but I love a deliciously hideous frock.
This year all the gals were quite well behaved. Elena Bonham Carter didn't attend the soiree tough.
-Best: Emma Stone. Hats off to the team that puts her together.

-Worst: Marion Cotillard. Her dress looked like the one that the three fairies were trying to saw for Aurora in Disney's Sleeping Beauty.

Add caption

-Special mention: Jennifer Lopez, her dress was again everything a gay man could dream of.

Acceptance speeches
 -Best: Patricia Arquette.  Arquette made the Oscars political by saying:
 "It's our time to have wage equality once and for all and equal rights for women in the Unite Sattes of America."
She got Meryl Streep jumping on her chair and we know that when Streep approves we all approve too.

-Worst: all the other "nobody really cares" awards winners were rather forgettable.
-Special mention: Pawel Pawlikowski director of the best foreign language film. He did not give a fuck about the music coming in to signal that he had exhausted the time allowed for his speech. He just kept on going like a life size windup doll. Not necessary. I would have taken his award back. Actually the Academy should make that a rule: If your speech is dull or too long your award will be taken back and given to the runner up. Basically we should let Meryl Streep do all of the speeches just to be safe.

Guest hosts. 

Best: Shirley Maclaine is still alive and kicking. Thank the lord for her majesty Julie Andrews, she is distilled class. 

Shirley Maclaine.

Julie Andrews.

-Worst and special mention: John Travolta and Idina Menzel. They made peace (Travolta last year announce Menzel as Adele Dazeem) but he fucked it all up again by touching Idina's face way too much in a sort of creepy-crawly kind of way. He just wouldn't let go of her face. Let it go John, let it go. You messing up her name bothered her anyway.
Also Travolta was wearing a wig worthy of an even bigger special mention: Ru Paul wants his hair piece back. He looked like a Cryogenic science experiment. The overall Madame Tussuad effect was not aesthetically pleasing.

Guest entertainers.
-There was only one best, the rest disappeared in comparison.
Lady Gaga. Yesterday, today and tomorrow. Her medley from The Sound of Music made that stage alive with the sound of music indeed.
She is proof that talent conquers all.

Thank God Kanye West didn't jump on stage to claim an Oscar for Beyonce. Thank you Jesus for sparing our souls.

I will leave you with one dilemma:
What the hell was happening on Reese Witherspoon's forehead? (ET call home...)

That's all Folks!

Ciao for now.

Friday, February 20, 2015

Fifty shades of poop.

Bosom friends,

indulge me in this consideration if you will.

Fifty shades of grey, fifty shades darker and finally fifty shades freed.
Everybody is talking about sadomasochistic sex.
Have you ever had sadomasochistic sex?
I venture that most of you have only managed to fall off the bed while attempting to take off your underwear in the heat of the moment. MAX.
If you are holding a whip is only because you are making some home made mayonnaise and the only thing you have ever tied with a rope is a pork roast (myself included).

This is the story:
Grey, a super cool and super rich dude falls in love with Steele, a super nerdy and super poor gal.
At that point he proceed to make her see the boudoir in Technicolor.
He whips her, he spanks her, he hangs her like you would hang a salami for curing, he turns her inside out the same way you'd do to clean the vacuum bag, he dices her, chops her, julienne her. Basically he acts like a Kitchen Aid food processor.
Despite all of the above she enjoys herself like a pig in mud.
Women all around the world LOVED this filthy fairy tale. It seams that most of the plain Jane's of the globe dream that their husbands would turn them up-side-down like a two-season mattress.
Instead they are married to a stock-fish who makes love only when a new Pope is elected.
Their husbands probably think that clitoris is the mane of a Greek philosopher. These goody two-shoes gals are probably sharing their lives with a lizard who falls asleep at 8 PM on the couch until he has to be dragged to bed by his toes.
Those are the men that when you tell that you need a "meat injection" they book a table at a steakhouse.
Most of the time if your boy slaps your ass is because he was trying to kill a mosquito he saw on it.

Of course reading about a kinky rich guy who enjoys painful sex but at the end of the day gifts you diamonds makes you consider the idea of S&M copulation.
You glance at your other half snoring on the couch but still grabbing the remote as if it was his hand prosthesis and you think:

Oh well, I could do with somebody who enjoys pulling my hair while he "gets down to business".

Too bad that Mr Grey is closer to a psychopath than he is to a Latin lover Antonio Banderas style.

Never mind all of the above.
Grey and Steele eventually get married, have two children and still keep jumping on the mattress with ropes and whatnot like they have done from page and day one.
VERY believable.
I have seen many couple (almost the totality) going through that:

After two kids and a day filled with PTA meetings, grocery shopping, homework and a boss with perpetual asshole syndrome the only fantasy you have is to move to a remote island of the Galapagos, ALONE!

Allegedly the genius writer behind this literary phenomenon wants full control of the script for the remaining two sequels. Such great writing has to be preserved. Indeed.

Very much looking forward to the movie version of chapter 2 and 3 of this epic.

Unfortunately after a marriage and two brats there is a good chance that the 50 shades are going to be of poop.

Ciao for now. 

Thursday, February 19, 2015

Mr Winkle and Perfection Knowles.

Bosom friends!

Eventually a cold front has arrived here in Miami too.

I cannot believe it myself...50 degrees and even lower by this evening.
Now I don't expect penguins to migrate to Florida any time soon but it is nice to enjoy the sunshine without the ever present armpit sweat stain.

Speaking of icy cold matters Vanilla Ice is in some hot water.

The 47-year-old former rapper, whose real name is Robert Matthew VanWinkle, was arrested and charged with burglary and grand theft on Wednesday for allegedly stealing numerous items such as bicycles, a pool heater, a couch and a mattress from a foreclosed home.

First of all I have to congratulate Mr Vanilla for his real last name. Just deliciously goofy. It sounds like one of those third rated gangster nicknames from a Dick Tracy comic.

According to the Lantana Police Department, he was renovating a house in Palm Beach County and saw a foreclosed home across the street. Police say he then entered the foreclosed home and took the items.
VanWinkle has already voluntarily met with detectives to give a sworn statement, and police say he has been very cooperative.
No rapper attitude was displayed by Mr Winkle.

Vanilla Winkle ( funny) currently has a successful reality television series called The Vanilla Ice Project, in which he renovates and flips houses in Florida. Season four is set to air on March 8.

Perhaps he just needed to remain within budget so I he thought "what the hell" and went and took some accent pieces from the foreclosed property to make his "flip" look more polished.
There is no harm in being thrifty.
Seriously though...from rapping to flipping.
Ice, ice baby.

On the other hand we have Queen B Beyonce herself having a bit of trouble with some un-retouched pictures from a L'Oreal campaign she shoot a while ago.
Big whoop.
Once again I am speechless.
Not even Queen B has porcelain flawless skin.
I just fell off my rainbow cloud.
My unicorn will have to start seeing a psychotherapist pronto.




Once and for all:


As the ad states :  "The proof is in the mirror". Precisely my point. Trust a mirror not a glossy magazine picture.

Let's move on, shall we?
To all Beyonce's fans (they were not happy when those pics surfaced) I would like to say the following:

"Your queen is perfect. We all accept that as an intrinsic fact of life. Nevertheless I would like to remind you that there are way more pressing matters to get our nickers in a twist for."

Cool as Vanilla ice, OK?

Ciao for now.

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Trocking my world.

Bosom friends!

Today I will not chat about what is trending on line. I will give a break to all the lovely pets and rampant starlets.
A well deserved day off to such poignant topics.

What I will do is tell you how much I enjoyed Les Ballets Trockadero de Monte Carlo  last Sunday at the Ziff Ballet Opera House in Miami. (Do yourself a favor and check their website!)

Swan Lake.
Hubby and I love the ballet and since we both used to be actual "ballerinas" we try to support any classical ballet tour coming to town.

Despite their repertoire the Trockadero company is NOT you average ballet company.

Everything they put on stage is spot on and the performers are world class dancers but unlike any other ballet company the Trockadero's cast is made entirely of male dancers.

I have known about this out of the box company for quite sometime but I have never had the chance to see them performing right before my eyes.

Les Ballets Trockadero de Monte Carlo was founded in 1974 by a group of ballet enthusiasts for the purpose of presenting a playful, entertaining view of traditional, classical ballet in parody form and en travesti, Les Ballets Trockadero first performed in the late-late shows in Off-Off Broadway lofts. The TROCKS, as they are affectionately known, quickly garnered a major critical essay by Arlene Croce in The New Yorker, and combined with reviews in The New York Times  and The Village Voice, established the Company as an artistic and popular success.  By mid 1975, the TROCKS' inspired blend of their loving knowledge of dance, their comic approach, and the astounding fact that men can, indeed, dance  en pointe  without falling flat on their faces, was being noted beyond New York.

On Sunday Trockadero was presenting extracts from Swan Lake, Paquita and Le corsaire. Very technique dense material indeed.
This company approaches all of the ever green in ballet history with their unique flair and humor.
All of the dancers are incredibly talented and they way they mix comedy and amazing dancing is so delicious it should be illegal.
The TROCKS perform in full drag make up and all of their tutus are completely traditional and opulent and of course the do it all on point shoes.

This year marks the company 40th anniversary so I felt it was my duty to celebrate with the TROCKS in full regalia.
So for the occasion I brought Prima Donna back to life.

Prima Donna.

The original concept of LES BALLETS TROCKADERO DE MONTE CARLO has not changed.  It is a Company of professional male dancers performing the full range of the ballet and modern dance repertoire.
The comedy is achieved by incorporating and exaggerating the peculiarities, accidents, and underlying incongruities of serious dance.  The fact that men dance all the parts enhances rather than mocks the spirit of dance as an art form, delighting and amusing the most knowledgeable, as well as novices, in the audiences.   

TROCKS’ original purpose has not changed despite their world wide success: bring the pleasure of dance to the widest possible audience.

The TROCKS are beautiful, talented, hysterically comical and oh so well put together. I could go on and on but I am sure you got my point (pun intended...)

They will, as they have done for forty years, “Keep on Trockin’.”

The TROCKS "trocked" my world indeed!

Ciao for now.