Friday, January 30, 2015

Inflated Super Bowl.

Bosom friends! 

I have one name for you:

KATY PERRY.

A name, a brand, a guarantee.

The reformed church singer will be gracing millions of viewers during the 12 minutes half time show in the Super Bowl next Sunday.

I watched the Pepsi's halftime show press conference yesterday and I have to say that Miss Perry did a good job at keeping it sassy yet informative. I was not enlightened by new knowledge over the mysteries of life but the gal was lovely and very prepared (Madonna's style).

Her outfit was as quirky as always and probably the sight of it sent Karl Lagerfeld to the emergency room.
We got it Katy, you are performing the Super Bowl half time show.
There was no need to display so many footballs on you.
A bit of an overkill.

© REUTERS/Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports

© REUTERS/Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports

Her main concern is that her performance will leave the audience talking about her music rather than wardrobe malfunctions and flying nipples.

She’s previously announced that Lenny Kravitz would be joining her for her set.
She said that Kravitz will add soul and sexiness to the show and quickly rectified by saying appropriate sexiness and only family style entertainment allowed. Once again no nipple peekaboo...
Some even ventured that one of her costumes had to be scanned for safety reasons...She admitted that her opening costume will be flaming hot. I understand she wants to set the house on fire, hopefully only figuratively.

When asked if her set would include any lip-synching or pre-recorded vocals, Katy did a pretty good job of keeping her answer vague…but honest.
She sort of deflected the question by starting with:
"I'm going to be using a lot of graphic effects. We have to lay out a layer on the field that is almost as big as the field so that the graphic effects can work." Eventually she said “I think a lot of the performance is going to be live”.
Basically she is saying something's gotta give.
Clever little witch. 

Katy would not reveal the name of her additional guest performer (but it already leaked...it's Missy Elliot bosom friends!). Katy said this act would help create a real “female fun night, a bit of old-school.” She continued: “When you hear the first ring of the chord, jaws will drop and faces will melt.” 
Personally I am more than happy to melt whatever it takes to have a good throwback pop music moment! 
Katy also said that her show is going to be a mix of what she loved most from past half time show performers namely Beyoncé and Madonna. She will probably whip her weave like Knowles and have fierce dance routines as the Material Girl's. All the homos will faint right away from sensory overload.

Despite the fact that her show will feature a mid-size zoo (reportedly actual live animals) and that more than 100 million people will be watching it, Katy came across as a very grounded and humble church gal.
She said that she is honored, proud and blessed to be given such an opportunity at her age already. She described this experience to be almost spiritual. Ok Katy, perhaps a bit too much now...

Perry even had a brief appearance by her dog Butters on the conference stage. 
There we go, already a live animal sharing the spot light with her.


To see the whole animalistic shebang we will have to wait for those 12 precious minutes of entertainment that make the Super Bowl bearable.

Ciao for now.

Thursday, January 29, 2015

Out of Touch.

Bosom friends!

Yesterday's post was about the mighty Kardashian dynasty.

Today I will keep the magic alive by discussing one of their clan members even though he is not genetically part of that descent.

I am referring to Bruce Jenner.

Tabloids and gossip TV shows have been bullying the former Olympian Champion for months now.
It feels like all of the media has turned into this spiteful and bossy mean girl on steroids.

Feel free to type on your Google search Bruce Jenner Transgender and you will see with what kind of eagerness the media is torturing him.

In Touch magazine.

According to the tabloids Bruce Jenner is ready for the world to see who he really is.
The reality star, 65, has taped an interview and is currently filming an unscripted E! reality series of his own about his “desire to look like a woman and live as one,” reports Us Weekly.
I don't know about you but I consider Us Weekly as reliable as the Bible.

Kim Kardashian West sat down with “Entertainment Tonight” to lend support to what she referred to as her stepfather’s “journey,” explaining, “Bruce should tell his story his way. I think everyone goes through things in life, but I do think that that story and what Bruce is going through, I think he’ll share whenever the time is right.” Thank you Kim, your pearls of wisdom are as bright as stars in the sky.
Someone who has been less encouraging is ex-wife Kris. Apparently when they meet in the 90's Bruce was already preparing for the transition but Kris convinced him to change his mind.
Yes, Kris is quite the momager with the tact of Godzilla but I don't think that anybody ever knows what goes on in a relationship unless they are actually part of it.

The development of Bruce's reality has gone as far as the head of publicity at E! planning a meeting with GLAAD about how to handle such a sensitive subject.
But the project is not far enough along to have a title, premiere date or episode order.
Allegedly.

As blatant racism and homophobia are becoming less and less acceptable in the media, transphobia has become the norm.
The way we handle trans issues in the media is appalling, and Bruce Jenner’s magazine cover is only one small example of that.
When trans people are invited to do interviews, they are grilled on their genitalia and asked things like, “What made you want to become a woman?”
Wendy Williams, while interviewing transgender Laverne Cox asked her if her breasts were real. Seriously woman?  Poor Laverne gracefully answered the idiotic question but I am sure she would have loved to rip that silly cow's weave off with the rage of a Valkyrie.
Until trans people commit suicide we don't recognize them as human beings who deserve respect. And by then, it’s too late.
Media, can we get our shit together? By attaching Jenner and his real or not transition, we are diminishing all of the other actual transgenders journey to their true identity.
Can we all sit down with some trans folks and maybe figure out how they would like to be written about, interviewed, and represented?
We can do better than this.
Molly Haskell has written a very tactful book abut her brother's transition. It's called My Brother My Sister: A Story of Transformation. The book begins in 2005, as John Haskell, a 59-year-old married financial adviser, tells his older sister that he has “gender dysphoria” and wants to become female. It describes both of their journeys to acceptance in a very delicate yet grounded way.
Bosom friends give it a try!



The crazy part of it all is that we have gone from the TIME magazine cover featuring a beautifully airbrushed Laverne Cox to In Touch magazine literally painting Jenner's face in a very amateurish and clown like way. I understand that the two publications are not to be compared but TIME is as available as In touch and that is rather unsettling.



Hopefully, in the near future, we can look back on things like Bruce Jenner’s In Touch cover, collectively cringe, and marvel at how ignorant we used to be.

Ciao for now.

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Famous Person.

Bosom friends!

Probably you are already practicing the display of fake enthusiasm for this upcoming Super Bowl.
The game is actually very much secondary to the commercials and the entertainer chosen to perform in the Half Time Show (this year is reformed church singer Katy Parry).
Thank God for all that otherwise it would be just another football game.

As I made clear many times over I am not fond of the Kardashian franchise whatsoever. They were kind of amusing in the early days but now their mission to brand the galaxy has reached its shelf life.
Or so I thought.
Thanks to a very clever advertising team for the first time ever I actually watched something with Kim K in it that didn't make me wish I was a cloistered nun.
I am talking about the new T-Mobile commercial featuring reality TV empress Kim Kardashian West (and North and South and East...)

Kim has an important message for everyone about unused data. Stop letting your carrier take back those unused megs & gigs at the end of each month. You’re missing out on so many amazing things. Like photos of Kim’s outfits. Or Kim’s vacation videos. Or even more of Kim’s outfit photos.


Kim's uncannily perfect looking face, resembling a Madame Tussauds replica of herself, is shot in a close up and the caption reads Kim Kardashian - Famous Person.
Just for that on point remark I was sold.

Opening shot...

Mrs West then starts telling us about data loss in a very serious tone like she was making us aware of how many starving children needed our help in Congo.

Here is the script:

Hi I’m Kim. 
Each month, millions of gigs of unused data are taken back by wireless companies. 
Tragic. 
Data you paid for that can be used to see my makeup, my back-end, my outfits, my vacations and my outfits.
Sadly all lost. 

Please, help save the data.
 
A stupidly moving background music is playing while pictures of Kim taking selfies are displayed in an act of shameless auto-celebration.



It almost feels like she is finally owning up to her status of "not particularly good at anything" but "very good at branding".
It is indeed a funny commercial also because Kim's ass (which is as big as her husband's self-esteem) is the undeniable protagonist of this whole shebang. Her turgid butt cheeks are filmed in all their glory as if they were some Italian Renaissance cathedral domes. Perfection.

Kim does not loose her composure for the whole ad and is that kind of make believe seriousness that takes the stint to the next level. She is probably really sad that all that data gets lost instead of being used to prolong her social media shelf life.

Here is the video (or click on this link)
                                        


It's funny because it's sad.
It's funny because it's true.

Ciao for now.

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Nemo, Juno & Tilly.

Bosom friends!

For whatever reason my blog page has been getting very popular in France...I know...I have no idea how that happened. A guy in a wig who writes in English about Miami is kind of relevant in the land of Haute Couture and stinky cheese. Whatever, I will take it! I have always been fond of the French standoffish attitude and the charm of their country. Vive la France bitches!

I am happy to report that here in Miami the weather is very nice. Sunny but cool.
The Jewish snow-birds must be very pleased.
On the other hand the East Coast of the USA is not enjoying the same kind temperatures. I am sure you have all heard of the infamous Blizzard. This year the winter storm has been called JUNO.
What a lovely name. It makes me think of an atypical girl who got knocked up in High School and had a nice movie made about her story. Oh wait that actually happened. Never mind.
Apparently only The Weather  Channel has named the storm.
The National Weather Service doesn't seem to have followed the trend. They are actually rolling their eyes and the common criticism is that it is just a marketing ploy. The National Weather Service seems to agree; it has advised its forecasters not to follow the channel’s lead, and a spokesman said it had never named winter storms and had no plans to do so. (The New York Times advises reporters not to use the names in storm coverage.)
I have to agree with TNWS. I mean in 2013 TWC called the storm Nemo. Seriously. Finding Nemo and their long lost sanity.
Juno is nevertheless busting many Americans balls.
Flights have been cancelled and airports have been turned into impromptu holiday resorts.
Shovels are ready to be be hated and blizzard provisions have been purchased (milk, bread and booze).


This morning a good bunch of weather reporters were shoved into the streets of New York to show us that the traffic ban was still active and that they could have laid down and do snow angels in Time Square. Bless them all. Meanwhile the weather chick from the Floridas local channel was sporting a lovely short dress while telling Floridians to wear a jacket since it was slightly breezy outside. Bless her too.

What is really singular is how they have reworked this storm business to make it more popular on social networks. Naming these storms things like “Nemo” and “Juno” wasn’t a means for improving records or providing better forecasts. Instead, it was a commercial re-branding.
Here’s the thing — it worked. Just about everyone remembers the major 2013 February nor’easter as “Nemo.” They couldn’t necessarily tell you what the exact dates or temperatures were, or whether it was a nor’easter, a blizzard, or both. But the name? They remember the name:

“The fact is that Twitter needs a hashtag.”(Bryan Norcross).

Sure enough, #Juno2015 and #Juno are trending just as much as (if not more than) #BlizzardOf2015, and the only reason the first two even exist is because of TWC’s winter storm re-branding efforts. Even if other professional meteorology and news organizations don’t like it, the policy is here to stay.
Just like marriage equality for the Tea Party.

Perhaps I should ask TWC to re-brand me with a name that will make me trending on all social media platforms. Something catchy yet light. Perhaps Tilly. Actually that is how people who can't pronounce my name call me. TILLY. #Tilly. I will hashtag the shit out of the Internet.

Let's hope that just like any other anonymous storm I can turn things around and be remembered as the Tilly and sweep the country as blizzard Tilly.
#Tilly.

Blizzard  #Tilly.
Ciao for now.

Monday, January 26, 2015

Hurricane Bianca.

Bosom friends!

I know it's Monday and the light at the end of the tunnel seems very dim but here I am writing to cheer you up a little (hopefully...).

Last Saturday (as I anticipated in "Feel like a woman wear a dress") I attended Bianca Del Rio's comedy special show at the Colony theatre in South Beach.




Bianca Del Rio (his real name is Roy Haylock)was the winner of RuPaul's Drag Race season 6. She is a self-proclaimed "clown in a dress" and she emerged on the New Orleans' gay entertainment scene in 1998 and nearly immediately became a premiere nightlife entertainer.

I watched the whole Drag Race competition in one weekend with hubby and a couple of very patient friends. From episode one to the very final. A marathon. I loved it but when the winner was proclaimed by her holiness RuPaul, I felt as if I just ate a whole bag of gummy bears thanks to my impulsive compulsive behaviour. I enjoyed every minute of it but I was then feeling rather nauseous.

I went through a full immersion of Bianca and the rest of the contestants on the "Race" and when I found out she was coming to Miami with her "Rolodex of Hate" show I put my running heels on and skipped to the box office to get tickets to her comedy special.

I decided to go to the Colony in full drag hoping that Bianca was going to adopt me as her "daughter" and guide me to stardom. Also I had to show off my new Diane von Fürstenberg wrap dress.
Look how pretty:







The Colony theatre is a little Union gem on Lincoln road and it retains his delightful 1935-era art deco charm. Perfect venue for such a show even though I have no idea how they fit Bianca's wig in such a tiny space. The magic of theatre right?

Bianca's show was exactly what I expected it to be.
She is no lady and she has a Rolodex full of hateful jokes ready to go. Literally.
During the hour and 15 minutes show nobody was safe from her sour tongue especially an unfortunate straight girl who just kept getting it from miss Del Rio.
Bianca's humor is not for the faint of heart. She dishes it all out as a loud woman but you better take it like a man. I am not gonna compare her to Joan Rivers but Del Rio has the same quick and ferocious wit.
When Bianca's jokes are good, they are REALLY good.

We met Del Rio after the show since we did purchase VIP tickets (I was not granted any special treatment, I paid for it...). She was very graceful and cracked a joke regarding me being Italian...something about the smell of sausage...In all honesty that was not the reaction I was hoping for (no expectations, only hopes). I put myself together so carefully to make a good impression on her simply because I admire her. Anyway...She did what she was payed to do: entertain us and autograph her picture.

They call me Tilly.

I was quite starstruck when I got to meet her so I didn't manage to tell her about my Drag Race marathon but perhaps she will read this and then she will be in the know.
Bianca if you read this please let me know so that I can die happy...and brag about it too.
Many thanks,
Tilly.

Myself with Bianca.

I am very happy I got to meet her and see her show live.
Finally a Drag Queen who uses her looks as a base from where to showcase her talent. You can only look for so long at a pretty man in a wig, right Courtney Act?
Bianca doesn't just look the part she really is a live entertainment beast!

On another note last night I watched Miss Universe being broadcasted live from the city of Doral, Miami.
It was like watching RuPaul's Drag Race in a way. Tall girls wearing a lot of makeup and a lot of fake hair. In Drag race the contestants fight for a cash price, in Miss Universe they all fight for world peace. Allegedly.
The winner was Paulina Vega from Colombia. The poor girl was asked what she thought was the biggest contribution her country gave to the world...Our thought went straight Cocaine. 

Ciao for now.

Friday, January 23, 2015

"Feel like a woman wear a dress".

Bosom friends!

Yesterday my shopping expedition was very fruitful.
It got off to a slow start but I made sure I did some damage nonetheless.

There isn't a dress shop in Lincoln Road that I didn't hit.
Luckily that street was not polluted with the usual army of tourists so I managed to maximise my time down to the minute.

I am sure all of the sale assistants must have met after work and reminisced about the tall Italian guy with a fake British accent who was looking for a frock.
One of those girls in particular made me giggle. She works at Cache and she is just a proper blond.
She was wearing a white bow on her head and her name was probably Brittany. She was a delight.

Despite my best efforts I did not find anything on Lincoln and by that time I was quite ready to throw in the towel and sit down for a wine spritzer.
But I didn't.

I got back in my car and drove to T.J.Maxx where my treasure hunts are usually successful.
This time was no exception.
I did not stick to my budget (Lord, that word gives me the creeps) but what's new with that.

I won't tell you in details what I found, I prefer to let you see the outfits on me at some point.
Let's just say that I am now a Diane von Fürstenberg girl. From head to toes. After all Diane once said "Feel like a woman wear a dress". Amen sister!


This Saturday I will be attending Bianca Del Rio's show at the Colony Theater on Lincoln Road so I have to make sure I look the part. She was the winner of RuPaul's Drag race season six and she is just a pistol. Let's hope she doesn't devour me whole...


It will be Prima Donna's first time out and about in Miami so any word of encouragement from my bosom friends will be highly appreciated.

Pictures of the night out will be promptly posted to fish for as many compliments as possible.

Now I am off to eyebrow waxing at my trusted Puerto Rican lady. Let's hope she is in a good mood!

Have a wonderful weekend bosom friends and don't forget to share the love of Found in Translation!

From my bosom to yours.

Ciao for now.

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Rebel Heartburn.

Bosom friends!

Today I only have time for a very quick post...I am in the process of choosing a new look for Prima Donna and let me tell you that kind of enterprise is no walk in the park. I always start with new heels and build up from there. Most of my stuff is still in storage and blah, blah, blah...Lord give me the strength.

I wanted to make everybody aware that they finally found the hacker behind Madonna's album leak.
Sigh of relief.
They haven't found out who killed Kennedy but Madge can now sleep soundly knowing who stole her music.
Police in Israel have arrested a local man on suspicion of hacking into Madonna's computer and releasing demo versions of songs on her new album Rebel Heart online.
Israeli television's Channel 2 news reports that the 39-year-old was arrested Wednesday following a month-long investigation involving a private investigation firm and the cyber crime unit of Israel's Lahav 433, a crime-fighting organization comparable to the FBI.
Good lord.
I thought Israel had way more pressing issues to get on with.
Must be a Kabbalah thing...

Madge wrote on her Face Book page

"I am profoundly grateful to the FBI, the Israeli Police investigators and anyone else who helped lead to the arrest of this hacker. I deeply appreciate my fans who have provided us with pertinent information and continue to do so regarding leaks of my music. Like any citizen, I have the right to privacy. This invasion into my life - creatively, professionally, and personally remains a deeply devastating and hurtful experience, as it must be for all artists who are victims of this type of crime." -Madonna

Fair enough.

The Material Girl's new album is called Rebel Heart.

Album cover art work.

I did get the first six songs that were released on iTunes in response to the leak.
The leading single "Living for Love" made me very hopeful.
"Living For Love" leaves its focus on its lyrics. The confidence Madonna displays on the track recalls singular classics like "Express Yourself" and "Like A Prayer".
All the gays will shake their booties till dawn.
"Living For Love" sounds like a giddy combination of Madonna's past and present and that is what really makes this artist unique: her repertoire.
The rest of the songs unfortunately are rather forgettable.
They are all well written and produced but none of them gave me goosebumps.
I am not saying this with a light heart. I did listen to all of the 6 songs from Rebel Heart many times over but I didn't find my self putting any of them on repeat like I usually do. For instance I did listen  to "Confessions on a Dance Floor" until death did us part. For me that one was her last great product. After "Confessions" I still only listen to "The Immaculate Collection" or the classy "Something to Remember".
In any case she is Madonna.
We will always go back for more. The likability of her songs is very subjective.

I do hope the rest of the album will make me eat my words. I really do.
But I will have to wait until March...

For now I do not fell her Rebel Heart, I only feel a heartburn.

Ciao for now.

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Guilty Pleasure.

Bosom friends!

Since hubby is away on a business trip I have more time than usual to squander on my favorite guilty pleasures airing on the Lifetime channel: Dance Moms and Bring it!

These two "docuseries" (fancy made up word for reality show) are both about the dance competition world and they both highlight the highs and lows of the competitive dance season as the dancers pursue the ultimate title (or any title as long as it comes with a tacky trophy). The teachers instruct their students while dealing with the over-the-top mothers who go to great lengths to help their children's dreams (or are they the mothers' dreams and the children's nightmares?) come true. The shows capture the dynamic interplay between parent, teacher and student as their mentors try to bring out the best in their students. 
It almost sounds sane.
Until you tune in.
The main difference is that Dance Moms is very Caucasian (with the exception of the one black girl chosen to oblige to some diversity standards) and Bring it! is indeed very Shaniqua.
Dance Moms feature Abby Lee Miller who runs the Abby Lee Dance Company in Pittsburgh, which she started when she was 14. Miller is a notoriously demanding and passionate instructor. But she has competition in the area of being demanding -- from her students' mothers. The girls are actually lovely with the exception  of the random I will do anything to get into showbiz kid who is enabled by an overweight mother with very poor fashion sense. The rest of the Pittsburgh moms use most of the oxygen to bleach their teased hair instead of consuming it to make their brains function properly. 
They all mean well but they end up looking like the guy in The Shining as soon as they start arguing with one of their fellow Dance Moms or with larger than life (figuratively and factually) Abby Lee.
In Dance Moms the mothers can keep their designer purses nice and warm in the viewing room cleverly allocated just above the rehearsal studio. Seen from that window they must look like a tank full of suburban piranha.
There are indeed many Louis Vuitton purses carried around and even more sour one-liners spat out with the precision of a seasoned mean girl. I would like to thank the editors of this program for keeping the bickering content so juicy.
Oh I forgot to tell you that the poor girls dance their butts off while the rest of the grown-ups sit around and bitch.
Please enjoy the below show ads.





My second guilty pleasure is Bring it! 
When you're competing at the highest levels, hip-hop majorette competitions can be surprisingly intense. The Dancing Dolls of Jackson, MS, is one of the top dance troupes in the country. The troupe was founded by Dianna Williams, aka Miss D.
This docuseries (here is that word again...) shows what the Dolls go through to get to the top of their game and, they hope, the top of their competitions. Each episode follows the dancers and their mothers as they prepare for competitions, parades and showcases. The episodes culminate in nail-biting battles against their biggest rivals.  
Good Lord.
It all sounds very gangsta'.
Needless to say all the cast members of Bring it! are extremely loud and weave equipped. In this show nobody is pretending to like each other as in Dance Moms. 
They ain't got time for that.
In Bring it! the mothers are allowed to watch the classes only from the outside no matter the temperature registered. The bitching is only permitted al fresco
Here as well the girls are dancing their butts off while the grown-ups keep on oh-snapping at each other and act like they were Beyonce at the Grammys. 
Those girls really bring it, their mothers only bring their hair pieces.
No weave is safe.





At lest these two shows are about somebody showcasing some talent and a good amount of passion for what they do. Those other reality focused on people eating salads and using one too many "like" in a sentence are far worse and let's face it, they are as stale as an 80's macho-crap commercial.

Yes, these two docuseries are nothing but the glorified whores of reality TV but to each their own.

In true Bring it! spirit "if you don't like it then you shouldn't put a ring on it!"

Ciao for now.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Hit a bar and raise the bar.

Bosom friends,

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?

Today I feel more like a paper bag. Recycled and recyclable. Just like the decorative sign I bought the other day:

New decor...

In search of a topic to rant about I typed on my Google search "trending today". Two very powerful words in the world of social media.

Well to say that I was underwhelmed by the search results is quite an understatement.

What I found first, was a plethora of pets being photographed by their proud owners with the same approach used by Terry Richardson when photographing Lady Gaga.
I even saw a handicapped turtle who can walk again thanks to a Lego wheel-chair. Now I can sleep soundly.
A two-year-old is being filmed while impersonating Bob Marley. There may be a niche market for him in Vegas in a few years. Make sure you book your tickets.
Justin Bieber is still trying to prove he has a big pendulum by going commando. 
Please enjoy the parody of his CK ad by Kate McKinnon (or click on this link)



QVC shopping channel host Shawn Killinger and designer Isaac Mizrahi found themselves in a heated discussion — not about spring fashion trends but whether or not the moon is a planet.
Timbeeeeeer!
It all started with Killinger's comment about one of Mizrahi’s sweaters, "It kind of looks like what the Earth looks like when you're a bazillion miles away from the planet Moon."
"The planet Moon…" replied Mizrahi.
"From the planet Moon?… From the moon," Killinger said. "Isn’t the moon a star?"
Mizrahi forged ahead "No, the moon is a planet!"

Needless to say, the segment was all downhill from there.
The two continued to discuss whether or not the moon was a planet or a star. But I will just end the debate right here (according to NASA, the moon is classified as neither a star nor a planet, but rather as the Earth’s satellite). 
Live and learn.

Luckily all the episodes of Friends are now available on Netflix. All 236 of them. 
At least their silliness was scripted.

Most of what is trending made me wanna hit a bar to numb the pain. Hit it first with my head and then toss back a few.
Or I can just sit under my new sign and have my usual wine spritzer. How civilized.

Ciao for now.

Monday, January 19, 2015

Jack the Vagabond.

Bosom friends!

This morning I asked myself the usual post weekend question:
Where did time go?!?!
It's like waking up after a high caused by expired mushroom. You kind of remember being chased by dragons and whatnot but even though you were gone for 48 hours straight, you only feel like you were gone for a few minutes.
Since hubby and I got our lease application approved and bought a spanking new 2015 Jeep Cherokee Latitude we decided we had to go out for dinner to pop a nice cork and toast over some yummy cuisine.

While I was online searching for the perfect mid-century table I bumped into the perfect mid-century spot: the Vagabond Motel. The iconic MiMo gem (Biscayne Boulevard Historic District) is located at 7301 BISCAYNE BOULEVARD. Vagabond Motel is again open for business under its starry-neon pylon sign.



The treasured exemplar of Miami Modern design is now probably far groovier than it ever was in its glory days in the ’50s and ’60s.
This updated version of the 1953 Vagabond is the result of a 1.9 million dollar restoration and has a decidedly grown-up vibe and a very very hipster quality.

Pool area.

Happy Hour poolside.


Read more here: http://www.miamiherald.com/news/local/community/miami-dade/article1981328.html#storylink=cpy
I tried to look up the restaurant website but their portal is not ready yet. Anyway I was fascinated enough to take the plunge and book a table for Saturday night to celebrate our new achievements. Listen to me, it sounds like I was going to walk on a red carpet and all...

I made a booking for 7.30 in the evening since I don't like having dinner in a bursting-with-people room. When we got there the place was already buzzing but with composure.

The lovely hostess (she looked like she had been styled to match the ambiance) took us to our table right in front of their window looking into the boulevard. Indeed a fortunate location where the light of the iconic Coppertone neon sign shined on us like a retro full moon.


 We ordered a lovely bottle of champagne to toast and the very friendly staff gracefully introduced us to their menu without alienating us (nothing worse than a waiter with verbal diarrhea).
Since you can't find it on line here is a pic of their menu:



The lovely beverage director Jack Colombo brought us our bottle of bubbly and I sort of fell in love with this scruffy (but on purpose) guy.
I am officially stalking him on Face Book and Twitter.
I do hope he doesn't mind I stole this picture of him.
(Hubby was not amused)

Dreamy Jack.


There is a myriad of articles about the reopening of the Vagabond Motel, I don't need to reiterate. Here is the one from the Miami Herald.

The restaurant is charming and it matches very well the spirit of the new Vagabond Motel.
Mid century decor, waiters chosen with a specific look in mind (a mix between Adam Levine from Maroon 5 and your hipster-next-door) and a cuisine that makes sure your taste is intrigued but not scared away.
The menu is by 25-Year-Old Chef Alex Chang who said "I just don't think there are restaurants that are super unique here .. like, oh this restaurant bleeds Miami". 
He is quite right, but in order to make the Vagabond a very-Miami-thing he still needs to adjust the aim. Chef Alex wants it to "be a place where you can come and have a burger, some vegetables and a little dish where you can spend $30 or a place where you can go have like 24 oz sirloin and spend $100 per person".
The food was very good but it didn't blow off my out-on-a-date pretty underwear. Mind you I am not a fan of those molecular menus either (luckily Vagabond's was not one of them). 
That being said, Alvaro Perez Miranda (the visionary behind the Vagabond restaurant and bar) in his trying to make food for the contemporary vagabond left us feeling like he focused primarily into making the establishment look the part rather than concentrating into making it taste like it.

The coasters.

Open kitchen.

Art on the wall.

Bar area.

Mid century lights.

Random decorative bike.

The whole operation is still at a very young stage so I am sure all it needs is a bit of on the road time.
After all nowadays, when we go to a restaurant we should take for granted that the food is going to be better than our own grilled cheese toast and the dishes at Vagabond were indeed delightful (but not balls-to-the-wall yet). 
What makes the difference is the kind of experience it's been orchestrated to keep the buzz going and to tantalize the ever so fickle Miami urbanites. Vagabond really succeeded in doing that. 
As it is written on the post-card you get with your bill: 

 A true Vagabond is a free spirited wanderluster who uses curiosity as their compass.
 A Thinker, an Artist, a Bohemian, an Adventurer... An Original. 


When I read that I fondly thought of dreamy beverage director Jack. 
So I called him to our table to say goodbye (hubby was still not amused).
I asked Jack to sign my coaster in true stalker fashion...


I will be back Jack. I will.

Ciao for now.

Alvaro Perez Miranda, the visionary behind Vagabond Restaurant and Bar, - See more at: http://www.miamiculinarytours.com/vagabond-restaurant-bar/#sthash.acasC1iS.dp

Saturday, January 17, 2015

Kylie & Giorgio!







Bosom friends I am so excited I am about to pee myself!
Kylie is back and she teamed up with Giorgio Moroder. I can die happy now.

Here is the link for the Official Audio.

What do you think?
Have a wonderful week end and don't forget to like, share and care for Found in Translation!


Friday, January 16, 2015

Perversions of "biblical" proportions.

Bosom friends!

It's FRIDAY!!!

Make sure your swanky weekend underwear has been washed and dried. You must be well prepared to your 48 hours of freedom.
My 48 hours are not going to be as free since hubby and I have to do so many things to finalize the new car and the new apartment. Honestly I just feel like taking a nap. I don't really have the time to write today, but I had to leave you before the weekend with something to chew on.

A column published by Larry Tomczak in the “Christian Post” read: “Ellen celebrates her lesbianism and “marriage” in between appearances of guests like Taylor Swift to attract young girls.”

Here is (and I am quoting what he wrote) how Hollywood is promoting homosexuality right now:

  • "Glee" features over five gay characters.
  • Home and remodeling reality shows regularly feature lesbians and gays in partnerships exploring homes.
  • "Modern Family" features a gay couple who married over two episodes recently.
  • "Ellen DeGeneres" celebrates her lesbianism and "marriage" in between appearances of guests like Taylor Swift to attract young girls.
  • "Dancing with the Stars" hosts a gay judge and gay couples.
  • "Biggest Loser" had lesbian Jillian Michaels as a role model coach.
  • "The Good Wife" now has a lesbian/bisexual investigator.
  • "Scandal" has two gays.
  • "2 1/2 Men" just added a lesbian daughter.
  • "Grey's Anatomy" highlights a lesbian couple with their child.
  • "Survivor" and other reality shows regularly parade homosexuals as contestants.
  • Anderson Cooper boasts openly on TV he'd rather "have sex" with a man plus co-hosts New Year's Eve festivities nationwide.
GLAAD (The Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation), GLSEN (The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network), PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays),
HRC (Human Rights Campaign) and a multitude of other LGBTQ advocacy groups have multimillion-dollar budgets and work aggressively to convince Americans that homosexuality is a beautiful way of life – maybe for your child or grandchild?

 And this is what he says we should do to defend ourselves from the evil and perversion (bigots love that word) of the GAYS...the triple A...

1. AWARENESS - The above overview is not exhaustive but intended to alert us to this bombardment hitting our homes.
2. ALTERNATIVES - Purchasing wholesome DVD series and streaming selected programs are great alternatives. The Fugitive, Gunsmoke, Little House on the Prairie, I Love Lucy and other award-winning shows are all available and cheap blah, blah, blah...
3. ALERTNESS - Stay engaged and alert to teaching opportunities when unseemly characters "pop up" on the screen...skillfully share on God's design for a man and a woman and the sanctity of marriage.
Passivity is not an option. Check out how aggressive these well-funded and well-organized groups are in targeting innocent and impressionable children. In elementary schools, high schools, colleges and the media,
LGBTQ advocates are extremely deceptive, sophisticated and strategic in working to lead a generation over the cliff to destruction.
As "salt" and "light" Christians, we represent a bulwark against this tidal wave of unprecedented evil. May all of us be found faithful and vigilant at our posts.

I find it all deeply amusing and profoundly sad.
News flash for Larry Tomczak: gays are not going anywhere.
We are here, we are queer, get used to it.
As you said we are indeed well organized.
You better watch out girlfriend.
We will conquer the world so that we can rearrange every body's furniture and give free makeover consultations to the masses.

This how Ellen responded to the Illuminati Larry: (link)



YOU GO ELLEN!!!

Larry then decided to ride his 15 minutes of fame and wrote ANOTHER article this time directly to DeGeneres. I will spare you the painful details of his delirious writing but should you feel the need of bit of crazy in your life here is the link to the Christianpost. 
The note starts out friendly enough. See past our differences, respect each other as individuals, blah, blah, blah...
Then, around the part where he calls her "56 years old, childless and with your third 'partner,'" (again with the quotes), his tone shifts.
"You may not understand the awesome responsibility it is to shape impressionable and vulnerable children," he writes.
He goes on for a bit about unambiguous moral teachings and self-evident truth and procreation. And then he writes this:
"(Gay marriage) is an injustice and unequivocably (sic) harmful arrangement wherein our most precious entrustment, our children, are denied the love and nurture of a father and a mother who complement each other in a healthy family."

Did I mentioned that Larry used to play in a band ironically called "The Lost Souls"? He says he found a path of redemption in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Delicious.

Rock'n Roll Larry Tomczak

Jokes aside, "loving and nurturing are not exclusive to heterosexuals. Those are human character traits. We're all born with hearts" (cit. Heidi Stevens)

Ellen rightfully answered by saying this to "the youth of the world":
"I want you to live your lives being exactly who you are,"
"Be true to yourself, the most important thing is to be true to yourself."
Which proves she's got a pretty firm grasp on the awesome responsibility of shaping impressionable and vulnerable children.
"Ellen," he writes, "a nation rises or falls on marriage. If we dismantle this pillar of society and redefine it to accommodate other arrangements such as yours … what will be the consequences for this sacred institution and the future of our nation?"

I am pretty sure he was referring to Kim Kardashian's marriages.

As Heidi Stevens from the Chicago Tribune wrote:

A nation rises or falls on the way it treats its citizens - all of them. Kindness, compassion, justice - those are the pillars of a great society. Some humans are better at practicing them than others, certainly.
But that's got everything to do with heart - and nothing to do with which gender your heart falls for.

Here is something to chew on over the weekend.

Ciao for now.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

Justin the bib.

Bosom friends!

What a frivolous world we live in.
Despite all of the real issues that make our planet a less than desirable target for alien colonies, the Internet still finds some room for headlines like Justin Bieber's bulge was photoshopped!
Being a news junkie I had to find out what all the clamor was about...oh Lord...
I did enjoy the Bibs when his ball were just about to drop and he was still looking for Somebody to Love. He was pretty much harmless and remained still kind of believable carrying on with the goody-tow-shoes act that his mom was so proud of.
Then his balls dropped and he dropped the ball too.
Too many hours spent at the gym and on his ego.
Not a minute used to do volunteering work in Malawi.
Also somebody should remind him daily that he is indeed a Double-C. A big boob and a Caucasian Canadian. Nothing wrong in trying to find your own identity, but African American is not his heritage and never will be. Could you imagine Beyonce acting like Sarah Palin? It even sounds blasphemous.
I wan not fazed by his shenanigans whatsoever. For what I cared the Bibs could have taken residence up Usher's ass. I was not surprised when he got arrested in Miami Beach for an alleged DUI while drag racing (he was also charged with driving with an expired license and resisting arrest) and agreed to plead guilty to a pair of misdemeanor charges. The  Bibs made a $50,000 charitable contribution, pay a $500 fine and had to take part in a private 12-hour anger-management course.
Equal justice under law.
Unless you are the Bibs.
I was going to turn the blind eye over all of the silliness he made us endure.
What I can't get over is having him as the new Calvin Klein underwear model.
No sir.
State of emergency.
Save Our Souls.
Give us back Mark Wahlberg!

Mark Wahlberg

The Bibs.
We went from juicy fillet to a stringy beef jerk.
If they had some kind of voting done at CK to decide who to choose as their new model I demand a recount. STAT.
Mark image is so genuinely succulent and authentic (and NOT hair-brushed).
The news that the Bibs picture had been retouched was no news at all either. Like when Ricky Martin announced he was gay.
REALLY?!?! I can't believe it. I am overwhelmed with stupor.
I thought all models in all the ads were effortlessly perfect. I just fell from my cloud.
I am sorry if a human being had to draw pubic hair on him. Sorry for that poor photo-editor who would prefer cleaning Annie Leibovitz's toilet rather than making a spoiled-pop-brat look like a man.
Don't get me wrong I do find the boy rather cute in the ad, but what is with the expression on his face???
Take a look at this video Beliebers.



He look like he has a serious gassy congestion happening in his bowels and he is trying to keep it in at all costs so that the unfortunate model posing with him will not call it quits.
I saw kids at the mall pulling a tantrum with less displeasing facial expressions.
To add insult to injury, who the fuck cares if his bulge was real or not. By the way his personal trainer came to his defense informing us all that indeed the Bibs is well equipped. Just as well since a gay porn move studio has offered the Bibs 2 million $ to have sex in one of their movies. 
Watch the invitation:



Oh Boy!

When it's all said and done there is nothing less attractive than a guy who is:
  • self-absorbed
  • arrogant
  • selfish
  • narcissistic
  • vain
  • conceited
  • egocentric
  • egotistical
  • self-centered
  • self-important
Enough?
Oh yes, they even called the Bibs a wannabe.

His only saving grace is that a lovely girl like Selena Gomez fell for him. Poor thing. She even wrote a song about her "Casanova" : The Heart Wants What It Wants.

My heart wants Mark Wahlberg back.

Ciao for now.