Abercrombie & Shits.

The mighty has fallen.

The big moose featured in their logo deserted the campaign billboards for greener pastures.
The poor animal never even managed to fit in any of their T-shirts,  Abercrombie & Fitch does not cater for anybody wearing a size bigger than a Large.

I am referring to Mike Jeffries stepping down, on 9 December 2014, as A&F CEO in the midst of mass criticism of the company's performance and 11 straight quarters of negative company comparable-store sales. Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo. No wonder. But for sure no magic wand.

Mike Jeffries certainly accomplished quite something in creating such a lasting and solid brand image. His valuable contribution to the company cannot be ignored. Under his leadership, the company had successfully positioned itself as a premium logo brand with a loyal teenage customer base.
Mike is openly gay, a detail that the media cleverly highlighted in the articles regarding his stepping down. But to me this is not so relevant. If you are not a pleasant person, doesn't matter if you are straight or not. Rudeness can affect anybody.

But I need to paint you a picture.

When I first traveled to the USA 10 years ago, I had a hard time understanding why A&F was such a big deal or why their shops and merchandise were packaged in such ways.

First of all, their shop windows. I couldn't window shop. Dark brown shutters completely obstructed the view. Looked as if they were hiding something. Like there was an opium den in the middle of the mall in perfect 19th century style.
Then you could smell this cheap stinky cologne from a mile away. No map needed to know where A&F was located. Your nose sufficed. They actually pumped the cologne into the air conditioning vents to make sure that I knew where I was. Just like Studio 54 used to pump cocaine in their ventilation system. At least that wasn't cheap or stinky. And Grace Jones and Liza Minnelli would perhaps have a dance with you too.
To continue they had half naked boys at the entrance as bouncers. The resemblance between the pair was uncanny. Their uniform consisted of a pair of jeans, and flip-flops. They probably were going "commando" and did each others hair. The nipples twins. They had to be able to play 19 to 22 years old.

Attack of the Clones.

One of the two A&F bouncers. The other one was busy doing some crunches.

 Once I gathered enough nerve to cross the store doors, and got over the quite assertive perfume, I had to deal with further "monkey businesses".
The music was playing at a decibel level considered legal only at the Ultra Dance Music Festival here in Miami. And the store was lit as little as a romantic/creepy french boudoir. I didn't know if I was on a surreal date or if I was shopping anymore.
But the most unsettling feeling got me just when I thought I was becoming familiar with the set-up.
Looking around I only saw similar looking teenagers wearing similar looking clothes and smelling all the same. Long hair for females, early Justin Bieber ( swooped to the side doe )  or marines style for males. Fit bodies were a must have.
I felt I was right in the middle of a Nazi beauty-standards experiment. With rave music blasting from the speakers.
The clothes I felt were very much secondary to the whole freak show.
Nothing came in black and all they had for guys was short sleeves tops, jeans and hoodies. And the ever present logo was embroidered, printed and painted on everything as a proud display of a brain-washed status symbol. It all came only in sizes up to a Large. Embryo to Large.
No fatties allowed. There's KFC for you.

The Opium Den.

And their advertisements was as silly as the rest. VERY arousing. Arousing but silly. Half naked boys languidly posing with a very self-satisfied smirk on their face. You would think they were selling you a gym membership, a body exfoliating scrub, a high end self-tanning concoction. Perhaps they were just selling you the "boyfriend experience". Bow-chicka -wow-wow.

A&F billboard in Singapore.

Can everybody see it?

Selling what?

Don't get me wrong, CEO Mike Jeffries was definitely doing something right.
Under his leadership A&F became a very powerful name in the apparel industry ( 1 billion $ a year kind of powerful ).
When they opened their Flagship mega store in Milan, there was a line of impatient costumers waiting to purchase a piece of USA fashion. Like they have never seen clothes in Milan, the world capital of that industry.
But their primary market was amongst teenagers. And teens are fickle. They blew very hot for A&F but the cold phase came very soon too. Eventually even their parents were wearing the same stuff so they moved onto the next hot brand.

In order to fully understand the method behind the madness you have to read some quotes from the former CEO Mike that I dug up for you:

- “We hire good-looking people in our stores. Because good-looking people attract other good-looking people, and we want to market to cool, good-looking people. We don't market to anyone other than that." 

- “I think that what we represent sexually is healthy. It’s playful. It’s not dark. It’s not degrading,” he said. “And it’s not gay, and it’s not straight, and it’s not black, and it’s not white. It’s not about any labels.. It’s all depicting this wonderful camaraderie, friendship, and playfulness that exist in this generation.”

- “Abercrombie is only interested in people with washboard stomachs who look like they’re about to jump on a surfboard. I don’t want our core customers to see people who aren’t as hot as them wearing our clothing.”

- "Abercrombie’s clothes are only meant for cool kids – the attractive all-American kid with a great attitude and a lot of friends”. 

Pure poetry.
A genius I tell you. 
Shakespeare in comparison was an artless, barren-spirited abomination.
I understand a company must have a business driven vision, but don't let it leak to the public, you silly goose!
By the way this is a recent portrait of bombastic Jeffries

Mike Jeffries.

He used to look more like his retail and advertising employees, many moons ago.
Then the plastic surgeon got hold of him. Or the butcher perhaps.
Some says he resemble an Orc from the Lord of the Rings. But with better porcelain teeth.

He also had the same approach when it came to managing the company private jet. To follow a selection of the 47 pages manual ( 47 bosom friends ) titled : Rulebook for Corporate Jet Staffers.
I know it's quite a bit but do yourself a favor, it is worth a read.

 - When Jeffries, or boyfriend Matthew Smith make a request, the reply must be, “No problem” — not, “Just a minute,” or “Sure.”

- Stewards must wear black gloves to handle silverware — but white gloves to set the table.

- Pre-flight, workers are directed to mount a finger-print hunt throughout the Gulfstream G550.

- In the rear lavatory, “washcloths are to be tri-folded,” while toilet paper is not to be exposed (nor should its “end square” be folded).

- A 13-title magazine assortment should be available in a credenza, with all inserts removed.

- Seat belts “should be folded neatly into the seat backing. The buckles should have a ten inch space between them and should be free of fingerprints or marks.

- "Clean shaven" male staffers should “spritz their uniforms with Abercrombie & Fitch 41 cologne” and adhere to a uniform that includes boxer briefs,  flip flops, a polo shirt, and gloves. When wearing a winter coat (but only when the temperature is 50 or below), crew member must “Zip the jacket up to the fourth button from the bottom. The lowest button should be left undone, but the next three buttons up should be fastened.” Also, “Flip up the collar on the coat.”

- The jeans of crew members “should sit at the hips. The belt is flipped over at the buckle.” As for shirts, they “should be tucked in at the front between the front two belt loops and none of the buttons should be fastened.” That’s right, the male staffers--usually wannabe models and actors--do not need to worry about fussing with tricky shirt buttons.

- A steward must “Check the Cross pens and make sure that they will be writing properly. They should be changed once a month, or when the pen is not writing properly.”
 
- In a section entitled “Matthew’s Tea Service,” workers are advised that Smith “drinks Assam tea in the morning and Darjeeling tea after 2:00 pm.”

- In the introduction to the manual’s “Meal Service” requirements, a steward is advised that they “should let Matthew know when to sit down for meal service, and may need to give cues as to the pace of the meal.” Additionally, “If there ends up not being enough time to comfortably serve the dessert or cheese course, do not try to squeeze in the course.”

- When setting tables, staffers should have a ruler handy.

- For return flights, the song “Take Me Home” should play when passengers enter the cabin. Staff are also to play a specific track from a CD compiled by Gilly Hicks, an Abercrombie & Fitch offshoot brand.

Running "Downtown Abbey" was an easier task.
It sounds like the script of a well produced porn movie, if there ever was one.

On top of this, his former pilot claims he got fired to be replaced by a younger and better looking one.
Also internal credible rumors suggest his boyfriend ordered a $250k+ repainting of the entire famous grey corporate jet in 2010 after a replaced access panel didn't match perfectly after being reviewed in hangar in daylight conditions multiple times.

What a delightful chap.

Indeed he embraced his company credo, but he took the whole extravaganza to the next level.
To space and beyond level.
Outer space level.
ET phone home.

But don't worry my bosom friends, he was one of the highest paid CEO for almost two decades, and his payout will be around the 100 million of US dollars mark.

Also I am pretty sure he does not give two shits regarding what any opinionated individual, me included, has to say about his habits. He was successful at what he was doing, and now he can relax and eventually put on his back whatever he really likes. Probably abs, pecs and nipples.

Say farewell to the moose, to ripped jeans and rubber flip-flops, Mike.

No caption needed.

Ciao for now