Those Santa's personal shoppers have to be as tough as Hillary Clinton or Condoleezza Rice.
It must take very good stamina to find the perfect non-useful but thoughtful present for so many people at once.
Children are easy.
You just get them something made out of plastic that makes an annoying sound and you are set. Merry Christmas, now don't try to steal your sibling's present. Sharing is scaring.
Adults are a whole different matter.
We are nothing but bigger kids anyway, just more opinionated.
Finding a present for anybody over the age of 18 is not a walk in the park. It's more like hiking the Kilimanjaro. Out of season.
The obstacles we can find on our way are many and vicious, but not unpredictable. As a matter of fact we do know what we are getting ourselves into but we have no alternative (or we simply refuse to know any better fal lal lal lal lal lal lal lal la). When Christmas shopping time arrives we all feel like we are sitting in a roller coaster cart, all strapped up in our seat, slowly climbing uphill before the first crazy fall of the ride. You know it's not going as pleasant as you thought, however you have no choice but to get bashed around and shaken to your core until the Intimidator 305 ride ends.
To my holiday shopping experience you have to apply the concept of we have to be perfect at all times of which my hubby is extremely fond of.
This disposition may be very productive at times, but when it comes to buying presents for colleagues (20 to be precise) it can be a double-edged sword. Even worse. It can be a sword in the frigging stone. Unless you are the chosen one you will not succeed. Hubby clearly thinks he is the chosen one. And reality in fact supports his belief (damn!).
I was lucky enough to be a chosen one too. Chosen to be the designated Santa's little helper.
So off we went to buy gifts for people I have never met in my life, with the man of my life.
I suggested that we should have looked for the same unisex item for them all.
What an insolent dizzy-eyed ticklebrain I was.
Hubby will never be so mediocre or common. No sir, no.
Instead we had to scavenge around searching for original and refined cadeau to be gifted to his team members. We also had a budget. The Amazing Race contestants usually have less issues to deal with. Alice had a better time finding her way into tricky Wonderland.
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| My feelings regarding Christmas gifts. |
I have to be honest and admit that the gifts we found could be described as the Holy Grails of the presents-on-a-budget but surviving the mental pressure left me feeling drained like a bottle of Prosecco after any dinner of mine.
I had to really tune my antennas properly to achieve such results. Hubby instead, since it was a work related expedition, was right in his element. Good for him.
Keeping your focus while you are getting other shoppers carts shoved right up your ankles is not as easy-peasy as you may think. Also in Miami you need to know the translation for excuse me in at least 5 different languages in order to navigate safely and efficiently inside the perimeter of any super-store.
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| ...and I can say excuse me in 5 languages too. |
These are a few presents that got vetoed by the hubby. I thought they were quite original but obviously my sense of humor is not as Carol-y as I assumed.
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| This one comes with a little weapon too! |
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| Don't be a jerk, just eat some. |
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| If you don't have any Holiday Magic at least you can drink some. |
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| Unleash your rage on a piece of chocolate. Not on your in-laws. |
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| For your furry lovers. |
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| For your friends from south of the border. |
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| What is more festive than beating the crap out of Ariel? |
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| Suitable only for non-vegan and gluten aficionados. |
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| If your apartment is too small for an actual French Bulldog. |
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| Stay! |
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| Read my lips. |
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| Don't drink it, apply it. |
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| Very light on petrol. |
And my personal favorite (I actually bought it for myself):
As I said after all this browsing I felt as empty as a reality-TV starlet's personality.
I didn't even have the energy to put together a respectable Christmas tree (I know, it was about time...).
So this is what I came up with.
I combined two of my most beloved things: Champagne and Fairy lights.
SO FESTIVE!
I won't expect Santa to put a present under my kind of tree, but we can for sure have a couple of glasses together and bitch about this gift finding-wrapping-exchanging-pretending that you like it-returning-recycling saga that we all call Christmas.
Buckle up for Boxing day bitches.
It's going to be a another bumpy ride on the Intimidator 305.
Fal lal lal lal lal lal lal lal laaaaaaaa.
Ciao for now.
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